A Spidery Conundrum
Splat! It’s spider season again. Spider and flailing arm season that is.
I hate running into a web, then wondering where the spider is. I’m always sure it is somewhere on me. Not a chance it sailed away on the broken web or scrambled onto a bush. It is definitely on me.
I stomp and do a very unladylike dance. I look like a masochistic pervert as I slap away with both hands at my entire body. If the spider is on me, even if I don’t squash it, I’ll probably scare it to death.
In spite of the fact that I don’t much care for spiders, I do feel kind of sorry for the poor things. They work so hard every night weaving their strands. Then early morning, just as they are enjoying their labor, along comes this nut with flailing arms and legs to destroy them.
I do try not to kill any creature that is out of doors. If they enter my domain they become fair game, if I can catch them.
Recently, what my husband calls a little black spider but I call a big black spider, moved into our bedroom. He is an elusive bugger. He shows up now and then either just beyond my reach, or when I am without a rolled up paper or a slipper in my hand. By the time I get prepared, he disappears.
Each night when the cover sheet has been thoroughly shaken and the lights go out, I’m sure he will emerge from his hiding place with a distinct plan to bite me. Makes bedtime a bit unnerving. I know how those poor outdoor things must feel each morning when the sun comes up.
Perhaps my elusive indoor guy is a relative or friend of those outdoors, sent to get even with me.
What if he is a she? What if she is pregnant? If I squash her I’ll kill her whole family. If I don’t squash her, that same family may all grow up to live elusively in my bedroom. They’ll ruin my nerves and bite my flesh. What a conundrum!
This morning I went outside to feed our feral cat, fill the birdbath, and put nuts on the tray for the blue jay. I didn’t run into any webs. I went around front to get the paper, bent over to pick it up, and … Splat. Into my dance routine!
Hot and rankled, I entered the house and walked into the bedroom to sit in my rocker and read the paper. There sat the black spider. The paper was in my hand. I couldn’t help myself.
End of conundrum.
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